50

Things I’ve learned at half a century

Well, I’m 50 today.

Here are some things I’ve finally learned at half a century…

* Surround yourself with those who raise the bar in friendships and in love. People who aren’t afraid of growth and evolution in order to learn how to love better, to shine for you and let you to shine for them. That sort of plasticity is the stuff long term friendships and relationships are made of. Also be open to those who hold a mirror to your own short-comings - it’s not easy for me as I’m sensitive to criticism but it’s essential for growth.

* Humour, wonder and gratitude will get you through life’s hardships. Humour has forever been a way for me to navigate complex situations and find levity in tough moments. Laughing at myself and my personal blunders is a great substitute for defensiveness. It hasn’t always been understood or well received (or well timed perhaps on my part) but it has enabled me to seek out something positive or ridiculous even in the face of negativity.

* Wonder allows me to play, not take anything for granted and leads to gratitude. I’m still working on graceful acceptance for things that I can’t change, but it’s a work in progress!

* Words of love, need to be upheld through actions. Express yourself to those you care about. Don’t be afraid of being “too much”. If you feel or love BIG - don’t hold back. I’d much rather know I love them awkwardly than not at all.

* Reach out to people you care about with frequency. If you don’t have time for lengthy conversation, even a quick “hello - I’m thinking of you” goes a long way.

* Experience life with a pet

* Compliment people.

Even strangers. This can have a huge impact on someone’s day and speaking from personal experience, this ripple effect can be a life-changer.

Word of caution when complementing strangers… it may be also a source of great embarrassment for your kids. 🤣 “boundaries mom, boundaries!”

* I’ve learned that it’s ok to ask questions. Curiosity opens doors and hearts. Not only does it show people you care, but this is how you learn to step into someone else’s world and connect more with people around you. As a private kid growing up in the country, it’s not something I was familiar with and I never wanted to be invasive, so I held back a lot. I’ve learned however, that this is often the ingredient that is missing in conversation and sharing in this way builds trust and connection. We all appreciate being seen and heard. We spend far too much time talking about what we do, rather than what we’re feeling. This leads me to the next lesson learned… which is…

* Listen more than you speak (and) speak with intention rather than impulse. We don’t need to fill the space all of the time.

* Slow down.

Carving out time out to be alone with my thoughts and feelings no matter how difficult that may be was a hard lesson for me. It took me a beat to distinguish “alone time” (while still busying myself) from alone time that involved quiet introspection. Learning to do this opened up a complex and sacred space I can access whenever I feel off balance and I get to nurture my inner child. Quieting my mind is it seems, a life-long aspiration for me, but embracing the discomfort led me to an amazing life-change, incredible friendships and wonderful husband.

* Learn about what you need to shine. Take time to discover what your resources are and how to replenish them.

For me, I shine for others better when my sleep habits, daily routine, relationships and what I consume align with my values ; the food, books, social media, music, movies… can either destabilize me or can help to ground me.

* FINALLY some WORDS OF WISDOM for MY YOUNGER SELF:

1. Don’t hide your light.

If you feel alone or unseen, or awkward and strange: don’t try to fit in - shine that weird light and magically other weird and wonderful people will find you. They will be your friends for life.

2. Most importantly RELISH YOUR YOUTH. Your energy and most of all, your collagen is NEVER coming back. 🤣

It may sound odd, but in so many ways I’m finally the age I feel like I’ve been my whole life. Being with my people, surrounded by flowers, painting, putting out antique tables cloths and rose patterned porcelain plates, playing dress up with fancy hats, brooches and shawls, I finally seem to “fit”. Even if the clothes feel a little different these days … but that’s another essay for another day.

Ahhhh, even if I don’t have the buoyancy (or collagen) of youth, I am grateful for the laughter, experiences, relationships and love that have kept me afloat and continue to keep me uplifted.

Thank you for being here and thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far !

I feel seen and heard

and weird,

and I am happy.

Love you BIG TIME.